Qualities Of Truly Confident Leaders!

What does confidence mean to you?  How are you exhibiting your confidence? What are others reactions?  Through my filters, I see confidence as not bravado or some bold or brash air of self-belief directed at others.  I look at confidence as a natural expression of expertise, self-regard and ability.

I’m fortunate to know a number of truly confident men and woman. It comes as no surprise they all share a number of qualities.  By no means is this the end all list.  Let's explore what I've seen they have and what is worthy.

1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong.

Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They know they’re right – and they want (actually they need) you to know it too (see Narcissism). Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully.  Intellectual bullies never admit they are wrong or don't have the answers, ever!

Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to admit it and take responsibility. 

2. They listen more than they speak.

Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think. So they ask great questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective.  Further, they listen with great intent and purpose.  To find out more, you have to ask questions and listen more often than opening your mouth.

3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.

Perhaps it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps they really did overcome the major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a collection of diverse individuals into an incredibly high performance team. Truly confident people don’t care – at least they don’t show it. Truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved. They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.

So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They let others shine – a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.

4. They freely ask for help.

Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness; possibly exposing a lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.  Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So they often ask others for help, not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help but also because they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment.

5. They don't put down other people.

Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look better.The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday – and to the person she hopes to someday become.

6. They own their mistakes.

Insecurity tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds sincerity and honesty. That’s why truly confident people admit their mistakes. When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally “looking bad.” You realize that that when you’re genuine and unpretentious, people don’t laugh at you. They laugh with you.

7. They only seek approval from the people who really matter.

Very confident people look to earn the trust and respect of the few people in their life that truly matter. When we earn their trust and respect, no matter where we go or what we try, we do it with true confidence – because we know the people who truly matter the most are truly behind us.

What are your thoughts on confidence and leadership?  We would love to hear from you with comments or questions.  Send me a note via email at brad@aperiocoaching.net or on Twitter @bparcells.

Why Do Professional Relationships Go Sour?

As a leader, creating effective, respectful, and proper connections is a critical ingredient for success.  Success at every level.  From personal reasons, team success to organizational outcomes.  We've all seen and experienced where unproductive and ineffective connections will drive poor results, lack of accountability and collaboration, incredible frustration and worry, finger pointing and conflict, dis-engagement, and turnover to name a few.

Unfortunately, leaders can easily and unknowingly contribute to a team member failing to meet expectations.  How? By failing to understand their motives and how they choose their strengths in achieving the most effective results successfully and consistently for themselves, the team, the organization.

Leaders must first understand how their team members work and really who they are at their core.  This is where communication and connecting as a leader is crucial, as leaders often have a better view of all the factors at play and the larger goals of the organization. Helping team members understand - and even more importantly, making them feel like they are a part of things - is a vital component to creating a trusting connection and a great working relationship.

In creating positive relationships and overcoming conflict, it’s important too to understand that in the decisions employees make, they may be seeking to protect their own interests, and simply acting in a way that feels best in the moment. And after conflict has occurred, once the initial anxiety passes, team members may find themselves avoiding the person with whom they did not see eye-to-eye, or retreating into silence, or getting defensive. All of these are natural behaviors, and leaders need to understand and look for the signs of conflict and relationships going sour before these things affect the output of the team.

Deloitte recently found that three specific items correlated best with high performance teams: "My co-workers are committed to doing quality work," "The mission of our company inspires me," and "I have the chance to use my strengths every day."  Of these, the third was the most powerful across the organization.  So, the defining characteristics of the very best teams is that they are strengths oriented where their members feel that they are called upon to do their best work everyday.

That begs an important question. How is your organization spending more time helping your people use their strengths in teams characterized by great clarity of purpose and expectations?

Connecting with people professionally is not separate from how leaders react in the rest of life or relationships. Managing and leading effectively requires leaders to communicate, to engage in dialogue, to listen and pay good attention, to behave with the express intent that helps the other person feel valued and understood, respected, and safe in all their engagements with you. To secure agreement, acceptance and understanding of what is involved, what’s expected, by whom and by when. So when relationships do sour, the cause is often very simple: ambiguity and in-authenticity.

Team members will do what they say they will if they feel safe in their decisions - leaders cannot make the mistake of trying to forcing those decisions. Similarly, leaders must make an effort to not force information or viewpoints that won’t work or serve the goals of the team well; at this point, leaders must step back and stop trying to be the smartest person in the room. This show of trust allows the team to respect and rely on their leader, fostering a relationship of mutual collaboration toward the goals everyone has agreed upon.

If team members are not comfortable with their leaders, they’ll not be comfortable with decisions made for them, and goals may become obscured by the relationships. People have trouble accepting terms and measures of success if they never bought in to the framework from the beginning. At this point, leaders that try to prove that what they have is better for the team, risk everyone else avoiding any kind of commitment, or even backing out completely.

Leaders must learn be authentic enough to admit when they are not happy with the results they’re getting and look at their own communication and leadership style to address these relationships and issues.

What are your thoughts on leadership and team success?  How is Deloitte on to something very powerful about teams and strengths? We would love to hear from you with comments or questions. Send me a note via email at brad@aperiocoaching.net or on Twitter @bparcells.