Resilience ~ A Key Leadership Behavior

How important is resilience as a leadership behavior? The leaders and leadership coaches I have discussed this trait with all suggest resilience is a key and critical strength for leaders at all levels. Why is so important? The ability to effectively respond in times of stress, uncertainty and conflict is critical for a leader to resolve these high stakes situations, especially when other stakeholders are involved. It requires a great deal of honesty and courage to do so. Brene Brown, in her book, Daring Greatly said this: “Only when we’re brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

While thinking about and researching resiliency and its relevance to leadership, I found this quote, "Leaders are not successful in spite of their setbacks; they are successful because of them." In fact, this statement is really for all of us. From job loss or demotions, to coping with children of addiction, facing cancer treatments, financial hardship, separation or coping with the loss of a family member or friend, overcoming hardships and disappointments is one thing we all have in common.

Simply, resiliency is the ability to properly respond effectively to stress, adversity or disruptive events. In other words, resilience is one's ability to bounce back from a negative experience with "competent functioning." The ability to respond effectively and responsibility are the gateways in overcoming the typical and common negative energy and reactive responses. When we react, chances are we overreact and often regret our actions and the impact our words/actions have on others and on ourselves. The beauty is that we are free to choose and can totally control how we will respond. Our only true freedom is how we decide what our attitude will be. Our attitude will then determine our thoughts, our emotions and our actions. Our freedom to choose cannot be taken from us. Sadly, often we give this freedom away when we react in anger, shame or fear.

Abraham Maslow is a leading figure in the tradition of humanistic psychology and his ‘Hierarchy of Needs’ remains widely recognized and used. I have used this theory in training sales professionals and managers. However, relating to leadership and leading with resilience, it is important to understand Maslow's concept of self-actualization. You might be asking yourself, "who is a self-actualized person, and what characteristics does s/he have?"

Maslow studied individuals whom he believed to be self-actualized, including Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein, to derive the common characteristics of the self-actualized person (The 12 Characteristics of a Self-Actualized Person). Maslow’s portrait of self-actualization occurs when one maximizes their potential, doing the best that they are capable of doing. He also found that individuals who are more self-actualized had an accurate and strong perception of reality.

In studying leaders, there are typically several common fears that inhibit their ability to objectively and accurately perceive reality, and as a result, diminish the ability to successfully lead with resiliency. Let's look at these challenges to effective leadership.

• The first is the fear of failure. This type of leader is obsessed with success, winning (mostly at all costs), and recognition. They tend to micromanage others and are often considered perfectionists. Control is their game. As control freaks, it is all about them; about being "right" than being effective. Often when things don't go perfectly they deflect responsibility and blame others. They typically display bitter and unhappy energy. Not a very inspiring picture, is it?
• The second is the fear of vulnerability. This type of leader sees vulnerability as a major weakness. As such they spend their time pushing away and protecting themselves from feeling vulnerable or from being perceived that way. Rather than respecting and appreciating the courage, daring and authenticity behind vulnerability, they let their fear and discomfort become judgment and criticism of others and silently of themselves.
• The third leadership is the fear of rejection. This type of leader avoids conflict at all costs, preferring to maintain politeness as opposed to being candid. They’re more concerned about what others think of them than what they think of themselves. Typically, these leaders insulate themselves with sycophants who never challenge the status quo.

So, what can leaders start doing differently to improve their leadership resiliency? Here are a few ideas.

1. A leader must be present. After a disruptive event happens, leaders have to make the decision to show up. Oftentimes, showing up comes before their understanding of the situation or the circumstances surrounding the event. Nevertheless, a resilient leader always shows up. When the “event” is framed and managed with resiliency, it liberates by giving leaders the freedom to re-engage on their own terms.
2. Resilient leaders must confront the brutal facts. The ability to stare down reality while maintaining realistic optimism for the future is crucial. Although resilient leaders are optimistic, “hope” is not their default strategy.
3. Resilient leaders possess a high degree of self-awareness or emotional intelligence. Not the kind of awareness that validates their perception of themselves, but the kind that disturbs and disrupts. This kind of acute awareness allows leaders to know their shadow, and to manage their fear so it doesn’t manage them.
4. If you want a culture of creativity and innovation, high and productive leadership engagement, start by developing the ability of leaders to cultivate an openness to vulnerability. This notion that the leader needs to be "in charge" and "to know all the answers" is both dated and destructive. It's impact on others is the sense that they know less, and that they are less than. This is a sure recipe for risk aversion, lack of engagement on all levels and destructive negative energy.

These three ideas share a common theme: COURAGE. The courage to show up when feeling hurt, disappointed or embarrassed; the courage to confront the brutal facts that may be difficult to accept or acknowledge; and the courage to develop the self-awareness necessary for leading effectively. When leaders demonstrate the courage to show up, to confront brutal facts and to continuously learn, they will be successful – not in spite of their setbacks, but because of them.

What are your thoughts on this topic? How would you begin to break through your filters to begin shifting your focus on becoming a resilient leader? We would love to hear from you with comments or questions. Send me a note via email at brad@aperiocoaching.net or on Twitter @bparcells.

In Latin, Aperio means to reveal, uncover, to make clear. Coaching is a powerful process that enables the client to reveal and illuminate their authentic leadership style via a sharp focus on who they are at the core.