Confidence is an important attribute in any situation, especially when leading yourself and leading others. Confidence can be understated as a natural expression of ability, expertise and self-regard. Humility is a word that comes to mind. It can also be bold and at times brash and cocky ~ to the point of being over confident. We all have a choice on how we want to exhibit our strengths, our confidence. The important thing is how and why we are making those choices.
For example, how aware and conscious are you when you make your choices? Are you on automatic pilot? How committed are you to your choices? How are those choices impacting how you show up in all situations and conversations and how others see you? What are your results? For instance, one can choose to under utilize confidence by being more compliant and protecting or overused in the form of controlling.
It is critical for a leader to fully understand how and why they do the things they do. To be consciously aware to turn off the autopilot. As a leadership and executive coach, I find in myself and those I work with that our key strengths can also be our greatest weakness. I am also fortunate to know a number of truly confident people, who have turned off the autopilot and really developed their ability to mindfully use new behaviors that lead to new outcomes. It comes as no surprise they all share a number of qualities and these 8 are what I have observed.
1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong.
Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They know they’re right – and they want (actually they need) you to know it too (see controlling). Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully.
Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously. Truly confident people often admit they’re wrong or don’t have all the answers; intellectual bullies never do.
2. They freely ask for help.
The more success you have moving up and through the leadership ladder can be an increasingly isolating experience. Where then do you turn for help? Who can you be vulnerable with about your weaknesses? To whom can you admit that you do not possess all the answers? Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness; implicit in the request is a lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.
I have found well developed and confident leaders are secure enough to admit a weakness and seek others for help. Not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help but also because they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment. Saying, “Can you help me?” shows tremendous respect for that individual’s expertise and judgment. Otherwise you wouldn't ask.
3. They listen way more than they speak.
Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think.
So they ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do it, what you like about it, what you learned from it… and what they should do if they find themselves in a similar situation.
Truly confident people realize they know a lot, but they wish they knew more… and they know the only way to learn more is to listen more and develop as a leader.
4. They shine the spotlight on others.
Maybe they did most of the work. And maybe they turned a bunch of individuals into a high performance team. Here’s the difference, truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved. They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.
So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They stand back and let others shine – a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.
5. They don't put down other people.
Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look better.
The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday – and to the person she hopes to someday become.
6. They own their mistakes.
Insecurity tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds sincerity and honesty.
That’s why truly confident people admit their mistakes. They dine out on their screw-ups. They don’t mind serving as a cautionary tale. They don’t mind being a source of a learning lesson for others and for themselves.
7. They think, “Why not me?”
Many people feel they have to wait to be promoted, to be discovered, to be selected, to be chosen.
Truly confident people know that access is almost universal. They can connect with almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know knows someone you should know.) They know they can create their own products, build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path – they can choose to follow whatever course they wish. And very quietly, without calling attention to themselves, they go out and do it.
8. They constantly work on their personal development.
They understand that to make leadership growth last they need to remain curious and be patient. They realize that over time to find substantive growth that leads to substantive change in them they must be highly curious. This is hard for leaders because everyone looks to them for answers. Confident leaders are very curious about themselves.
They also realize that change does not happen overnight. Real change takes time and patience. They have a mantra that says, “I am not going to change overnight, but I can begin to change overnight.”
As a leader, maybe you share all of these qualities of confident leaders or maybe a few. If it is the later are you asking yourself “how can I develop more of these qualities and how do I start?” Will Rogers said it best when he said, “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” If you want to grow and be more confident, you must change. Change involves the unknown. The unknown is risky. Real personal growth is risky, but the rewards are profound.
I hope this article has been helpful. What are your thoughts on this topic? How would you begin to break through and begin shifting your focus on becoming a more self aware and confident leader? We would love to hear from you with comments or questions. Send me a note via email at brad@aperiocoaching.net or on Twitter @bparcells.
In Latin, Aperio means to reveal, uncover, to make clear. Coaching is a powerful process of coaching leaders through personal transformation that enables the leader to reveal and illuminate their authentic leadership style.
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